Goncharov is the very best movie you’ll by no means see. Billed as “The Best Mafia Film Ever Made,” this Martin Scorsese-produced 1973 gangster epic stars Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Cybill Shepherd, and was directed by Matteo JWHJ 0715. Wait, who? Additionally: It isn’t actual.
Over the previous few days, the intelligent and inventive oddballs who nonetheless use Tumblr crowd-sourced the creation of a fictional misplaced Scorsese movie, right down to tales of its troubled manufacturing and launch, scene dissections, thematic discussions, Letterboxd evaluations, a realistic-looking poster, and fan-art. And it’s all based mostly on bizarre, random copy a Tumblr consumer discovered on the label on a pair of knockoff boots. Due to course it’s.
What’s Goncharov about?
Within the various universe the place Goncharov exists, it’s extensively considered one of many best movies ever made, however even there, it was by no means formally launched, and was thus ineligible for all of the Academy, Palme d’Or, and Nobel Prizes it clearly deserved. (Maybe it gained high marks at the Listenbourg Movie Competition?) Amongst its memorable characters are the titular Goncharov, a Russian gangster on the come-up in Naples; his lovely and impressive spouse Katya; and violent psychopath/hitman Ice Decide Joe, whose penchant for killing with an icepick is clearly a psychosexual projection of the unspeakable trauma that befell him throughout his childhood in a Belarusian orphanage.
My favourite Goncharov improvement: After an eagle-eyed Tumblr-er noticed a pre-fame Lynda Carter in an additional function as “Dancer #2” in Goncharov, the precise Lynda Carter produced pictures of herself and Henry Winkler attending the 1973 premier of the film at Grauman’s Chinese language Theater. This meme is Surprise Girl accepted!
The place are you able to stream ‘Goncharov?’
You can’t stream Goncharov wherever as a result of it sadly doesn’t exist, however that doesn’t imply it will possibly’t be your favourite film. In the event you dig deeply into the movie’s lore on Tumblr and toss out the takes you assume are silly (Ice Decide Joe is definitely an alien? Critically?), you may create the homoerotic ‘70s gangster film of your desires. However bear in mind: The accounts of on-set interactions between Cybil Shepherd and Scorsese are problematic as hell by right this moment’s requirements. Even within the anything-goes ‘70s, Scorsese requiring a PA to comply with Shepherd across the set in an vintage wheelchair was batshit, method-acting or not.
Why must you even care about this nonsense?
You must care about Goncharov as a result of it’s a residing, natural satire of film-criticism, and proof that the “enjoyable” web of elaborate memes created by precise individuals who aren’t attempting to promote you something or push a hateful agenda nonetheless exists. The true web has been proper beneath your nostril, on Tumblr, all alongside.
Twitter was at all times shitty, and now that its quickly sliding down an much more horrific drain right into a cesspit of Proper Wing influencer and bot-farm hell, I’m taking a second-look at Tumblr. I might even attempt to dig up my outdated password and be a part of the net get together. Plus, it permits nudity once more. As bizarre because it sounds, I’m calling it right here: Tumblr is the wave of the longer term.